So I was at the mall the other day buying myself a sweater, and the salesperson asked if I needed a gift slip and a gift box. I said yes because I was embarrassed that I was buying something for myself during the holidays.

Wah wah.

BURN!!

The other night I fell asleep with my laptop on my bed while watching hulu. I then woke up in the middle of the night and was cold, so I moved a little closer to the laptop since it overheats constantly and thought it would keep me warm. I quickly fell back asleep comfortably warm.
I woke up the next morning with burn marks all over my arm surrounding a GIANT blister. I burned myself with my laptop... in my sleep... and didn't even wake up.

wah wah...

Glass story Two

The undergrad that works with me in lab accidentally got two pieces of glassware stuck together this morning that she was planning on using to do a reaction. She couldn't get them unstuck, so she left them sitting there while she went to lunch and figured she'd deal with it after. I then saw them and decided to try to get them unstuck myself, so I pick them up and try to turn one of the pieces to loosen it, but the second I try, the whole thing shatters under my (apparently) super strong death grip.

I shouldn't be allowed to touch glass ever. Also, if I hadn't been wearing goggles there would be a piece of glass in my eye and I would be writing this post from the emergency room.

wah wah...

Glass story One

So last night at trivia we were all having a grand old time, hanging out, sucking at trivia, drinking a few beers. I'm holding my 75% full glass in my left hand about 1.5 inches off the table, when all of a sudden, my grip loosens, and the glass slips and hits the table. Now, usually when things hit tables from a few inches away, nothing happens. Maybe the glass tips over and some sloshes out, right? Worst case the whole things falls over and you lose your beer. NO. Instead, the glass COMPLETELY SHATTERS, spewing beer and tiny shards of glass in every direction. No, not even every direction, in fact, most of it landed on Frances, the one person in our group who hadn't had a single beer all night and who now is soaked head to toe in it and smells like a drunk. After picking the bits of glass out of our hands and gathering napkins to clean up the mess, I hang my head in shame and mutter to myself...

wah wah...

More on the love bites

Let me tell you about my morning for a minute. I wake up in Quincy. Wearing pants labeled "Juicy" across the butt. I get dressed. I smell like liquor. I can't find deodorant. I go to work. I am so impressed with myself that I get there on time! I walk by Paul's office, and make some comment like "Look! It's Friday and I'm here on time!" He says, "Yeah... and it looks like you had a rough night..." I just think he's saying that I look a mess. But no. He's referring to the fact that I have pretty intense hickeys. One on each side of my neck.
This is my life...
wah wah...

Michael Fein

I miss Mike a lot... but he's not here...
wah wah...

Proj Vom in my bed.... again....

So... I'm going to try really hard to tell this story in such a way that it sounds as wah wah as it was... there are at least three different wah wah moments in here. Let's go.
So, me, Andrew, Ronnie and Rusty come back to my place last night after a night of drinking at Border, Hong Kong and Pdise. Yes, I got Andrew into Pdise. Ta-da!
So, we're back at my place, playing some HSM3 wii, and Rusty literally crawls into my room and passes out in my bed. About 30 minutes later I hear this strange noise... I think it's Ronnie since Rusty is asleep and Ronnie sounds the same. Then I realize it's coming from Rusty. I walk in to my room to find Rusty proj vomming all over my bed. wah wah...
I keep trying to get him to vomit in to the trashcan I had set up for him, but he won't do it.
I am trying to move him into the bathroom, Andrew gets on the other side to help me. As we're carrying Rusty through the living room to the bathroom, Ronnie goes "Oh no, his pants are falling down..." and I respond "That's the least of his worries..." Ronnie goes "Oh, how embarrassing... his pants are falling down..."
I take off all my sheets, scrub my mattress and remake my bed so it's all nice again. Rusty stumbles back in to my room and passes out again. I go to take out all the garbage so that it doesn't smell like vomit. I get back inside to find that Rusty has thrown up again! On my new clean second set of sheets!
So I proceed to go through the whole process of cleaning up again... Except I don't have any more sheets! So I throw down a flat sheet to sleep on top of. Rusty proceeds to roll around so that the sheet is just covering him... Okay. I finish cleaning up and finally get to sleep around 4:30.
In the middle of the night, Andrew starts to feel ill. He knows he's gonna throw up, so he runs into the kitchen (not sure why he choose the kitchen and not the bathroom, but whatevlls, at least he didn't throw up in Jing's bed.) He sees what he thinks is an open bag of garbage and vomits in it.
I wake up the next morning and find that the bag of garbage that Andrew threw up in was actually the bag where I had put all my sheets to be washed that Rusty had already thrown up on. Now my sheets are literally drenched in vomit. From two different people. I gave up and just threw them out (along with the blanket I made last year!) So now I have no sheets....
wah...
wah...